Thesis: Process – 8

I will talk about my grandfathers, the inspiration for my thesis and many aspects of my life.

I never realized how much my grandfathers meant to me until they were gone. I knew that as I grew older I appreciated them more but it wasn’t until they were gone that I felt regret over not getting to know them better.

Both my grandfathers took part in World War II. One was in the Navy, the other was a rifleman in the Queen’s Own Rifles and took part in the D-Day operation. I never spoke to either of them about their role in the war. I didn’t want to bring up bad memories despite wanting to know what they did and what they experienced. As the years passed and they fell further into Alzheimer’s I realized my chance had been lost forever. I assume the both of them suffered PTSD due to their actions and quietness in my life, however I knew they were both full of love and caring despite what their life had contained.

Perhaps it is due to the knowledge that one is gone that I feel regret for not speaking to my grandfathers more. Even though I know I spoke to them as much as I could and that they loved me, I wonder if I will ever feel as if I did enough. The emotion hits harder when I remember that they knew not who I was when they looked at me. The memory of my existence to them faded over the years as much as their memory of who they were did as well.

The emotion and pain I feel about the loss of my grandfathers is only balanced by the fact that I was lucky to know them and have as many years as I did knowing them. Not everyone is as lucky as I was to know my grandfathers (and my grandmothers as well).

My grandfathers influence me due to the kindness and strength they showed throughout their lives. I hope my thesis can show even half of this love to anyone who plays Faded Memories.

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